I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
