Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
