Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
