I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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