My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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