Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
