the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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