did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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