There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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