is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
