i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Drunk is not a location!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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