I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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