I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
