If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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