like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
