dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
