you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
