I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
