Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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