I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
