Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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