It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
my liver is dry heaving
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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