Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Found your dick twin last night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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