she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
