yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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