we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
