I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
