I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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