My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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