Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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