you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
