how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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