Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
