Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
