I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
