I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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