I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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