I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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