I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
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I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I need to calm my uterus...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.