In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.