nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
