guess who came home with a hottie last night
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud