Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
