pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting