She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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