he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
