mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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