I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
