do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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