we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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