Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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