Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
