Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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