you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going