idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
