real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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