a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
