I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
