I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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