How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
