I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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