is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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