I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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