The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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