Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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