I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
