You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
