She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
