non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
