dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
