If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
