We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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