Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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