it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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