Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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