When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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