Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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