i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
