At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
