Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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